I’ve long been saying that Barcelona are just around the corner from being found out and at last it’s happened. Nobody likes a braggart so I’ll say simply this: I told you so.

It’s a victory for the competition as much as anything else. Jose’s involvement has stopped it becoming devalued since the English clubs and Arsenal went out and Inter are now sure to win it. According to reports their opponents in the final will be Bayern Munich. Occasionally I’ll catch some German highlights on Eurosport and the whole league seems a bit Eurovision to me. Bayern are embarrassingly irrelevant in the modern game, a relic from the past. What have they achieved in Europe lately? Have you seen some of the players they have too? Urgh. Obviously whenever you think of Germans you think: “Baddies” and they’re not helping the stereotype. Ribery, Olic and Schwarzenneger all look as if they’ve been made to practice headers with bricks. The team is like something from a Grimm fairy tale, perhaps Sleeping Munter. Like Sleeping Beauty, because they’re a kind of sleeping giant and they’re ugly, and munter sounds a bit German. The joke works. With a simple pout and the flick of a cheekbone The Smouldering One will dispatch these trolls with ease.  

As personal heroes go Mourinho is up there with Albarn, Clarkson and Delia. I’m delighted for him but something about the stubborn manner of the victory at The New Camp and the barmy, summer air made me think back to the titles he won at London Bridge.

How different history could be if he’d never left. The John Terry affair would never have been allowed to happen: Jose is like a king who has the pick of his subjects’ wives, Wayne Bridge would have gladly offered up his lady and Terry wouldn’t have dared chase sloppy seconds. Avram Grant would still just be some toad at Portsmouth, Luis Felipe Scolari would have his dignity and Goose Hiddink would still be some obscure foreign manager coaching weird national teams like Easter Island, The Soviet Kingdom and Sealand.

I met Jose once. I offered him my services as a kind of director of football, half joking, and he said simply: “No thank you.” They were the only three words he spoke to me but there was clear mutual respect. It speaks volumes that two of those three words were: “Thank you.” That’s the essence of Jose, he understands the value of the fans and recognised me as their spokesperson. I also trust that he doesn’t need my input, whereas with other managers I don’t have that confidence. I have nothing against Carlo Ancelotti but I send him weekly instructions on what to do in each game. He never acknowledges them but we keep winning so I don’t mind him taking the credit, as the leader of the fans it’s my duty to do what’s best for Chelsea. Jose never needed this, as he had his staff tell me in a series of letters worded to make this expressly clear. This no nonsense approach is what makes him a winner.

Mourinho famously doesn’t like Italian football. He’s previously said it’s boring and that people only ever watched it because it was on Channel 4 and they were too working class to have Sky, or words to that effect. I’m holding out the hope that he’ll return in the summer since Carlo ignored my advice on The Champions League and we went out.

They say you should never go back but I’ve found it can work out. I’m always nipping to my exes if I’m feeling frisky and though they always end up getting in a row with themselves and saying they won’t speak to me anymore at the end they always come back around.

Were I in charge of wooing him back I think I could convince the great man that he’d relish the emerging challenge of The New Boys Down the Backstreet, Manchester City, that he could be the one to knock Liverpool “off their fucking perch” rather than Taggart and that the board would accept that they made mistakes, try to change and that things would be exactly as they were before, like in the good times. Come on Jose, you know that you and Chelsea are good together, let’s make it happen. Chelsea, Chelsea!

Follow Jim’s ravings on Twitter: www.twitter.com/JimLovetoyTFR