NoBlog 29: Jim Lovetoy on Jose, ´90s Cartoon Superheroes and a Revolutionary Idea...
1st of April 2010
Media personality Jim Lovetoy writes exclusively for The Football Ramble. “This is no blog, it’s a column. It’s credible. Proper journalism that has an influence...”
Once again I’ve been proven right by The Champions League: Barcelona have flattered to deceive by getting only a draw at The Fly Emirates. I didn´t see the game but if it was a draw it must have been drab and I imagine they scraped that by diving and cheating. I´ve seen how they play, that Messi goes down like a defective weeble. Manchester United have also been exposed as the fraud they are. I’m happy with the result but not the nature of it. The Germans had clearly set out to injure Wayne Rooney ahead of the World Cup and his fractured ligament is proof of that.
A lot of mischief has clearly gone on but the most interesting development has come from the mouth of Jose Mourinho, who before Inter’s game with CSKA Zangief or whoever said: “I am very happy at Inter but not in Italian football... I don´t like it and it doesn´t like me, simple."
As a Chelsea fan any rumblings of discontent from the man make me tremble with a mixture of excitement and fear. Could he return to London Bridge? Could he rock up somewhere else? I’m not sure I could stand to see that. It’d be like being dumped by someone fit, seeing them with somebody who’s nowhere near as rich and attractive as you and being bewildered and angry. I’d imagine. It’s always been me doing the dumping/not returning calls if I’m honest.
The problem is there’s only one club good enough for Jose and that’s obviously The Famous Blue Lions of The Old King’s Road. I can’t see Roman Abramovich admitting that he was wrong as it’s a sign of weakness. Weakness isn’t something you associate with Russians. It’s more stuff like murderously cold winters, paint stripping vodka and muscular women saying: “I crush you.” People often link him with Barcelona – where he began his career as a ball boy – but he’s an astute man who knows they’re overrated and have no real potential, and though Real Madrid are one of the classiest and most professional sides in the world he won’t go there out of his loyalty to Barcelona. Some people think he’ll go to Liverpool, but then some people think the Earth revolves around the sun.
So it’s quite the conundrum, but I have the solution. A new team should be formed, as in motorcycling, with the clout and experience to make an immediate impact. The blueprint is already there. I’m talking, of course, about Team Sky.
Team Sky would feature the best players in the world, cherry picked by Mourinho, to play exclusively in The Champions League. Of course he wouldn’t be able to pick players from the side Team Sky were playing, that would be silly, but Jose would have the whole of Europe to choose from and this minor obstacle would allow him to show off his tactical genius. They’d be like a football version of Captain Planet, except without the “Heart” one. What was he going to do, love the bad guys to death? Sounds like an STD to me.
Sky have expert coverage of the best league in the history of the Premiership and already have the personnel to make up an unrivalled backroom staff. The management team could be made up of experienced, calm heads like Ruud Gullit and Jamie Redknapp could be a coach. I admit I’m putting him forward because he’s my mate but a little nepotism never hurt anybody!
The world’s best players couldn’t resist the opportunity to play in such a great side, because it would be made compulsory. Imagine the games they’d have with Chelsea! It’d be like Rambo slugging it out with the guy from First Blood, with Rocky refereeing. Of course they’d win the first few competitions easily but that would just mean that everyone else would have to spend big to keep up and the standard of the game would improve as a result.
It’d also bring a bit of razzmatazz, like in American sport. I’m a big fan of the NFL when the Superbowl is on and I’ve even been to see a game. At Wembley. It was the only time I’ve been and it was great! I don’t see how an American influence could be bad and this would benefit England as the majority of Team Sky would undoubtedly be from these shores.
I’d gladly lend my knowledge to the management team, meaning that the voice of the fans would be conveyed through my own, and the part time nature of the job would prepare Jose for when he one day manages England. No need to thank me yet Sky, make it happen and we’ll share the praise when football changes forever. Chelsea, Chelsea!
Jim Lovetoy
Follow Jim here: www.twitter.com/JimLovetoyTFR
Who would you pick for Team Sky? What would their kit be like? Where would they play?
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Asa
:::2010-04-03 11:29:39
Team Sky would have to play in blue wouldn´t they, sky blues and all that. Maybe white socks to signify clouds. Also a chevron like the man utd strip but the other way round to imply a seagull, but maybe that´s taking the sky thing too far. The shirts would also have those programmable LED´s like those graphic equalizer t-shirts that nerds wear to seem cool. The LED´s would show scrolling adverts for Sky TV programs though punctuated by pics of sky´s football ´experts´ and the tagline ´championies´.
They would play where they damn well liked and would have the power to commandeer any ground, even the oppositions ground. They´d be playing there anyway but to call it their home ground for that match would give them the psychological advantage.
As for who to pick I wouldn´t want to second guess a management team as awesome as the special child, the black turnip and knappster.
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